Here it is, just what you’ve been waiting for, the second installment of Olympics Commentary, done our way. Enjoy!
Speed Skating – Men’s 1000
Shmeegle wins! No he didn’t, he came in third. No, he was first. No he wasn’t. Yes. Oh, time correction, he’s second. He had been first. That’s what I said. Oh, I thought he was third and the brothers were one and two. No. I was confused. Yes, you were.
Short Track Speed Skating
I love that Apolo is doing commentary. He knows so much about the sport. Yeah, and he’s good at it. He is.
It’s short track, one of your favorite events. This is crazy. It’s bedlam out there. Anything can happen. Skill and luck have to combine perfectly all at this one moment in order for them to win a medal.
Ooooo, was he touched? No. He didn’t medal. Sad. Viktor Ahn, formerly a Korea member, is now skating for Russia. He is? Yes. He got the bronze.
Want to watch curling? Women’s? No. Ha ha ha! OK.
Women’s Super Combined
Did you see her face? She’s so relaxed. Uh huh. I would look like this (grimacing and clenching teeth). Ha ha!
I can’t even snow plow. Ha ha ha!
I can’t believe how relaxed she looks. They are going like 80 miles per hour.
What are you looking at on your iPad? Just reading. Yes, what are you reading? Just some article on the market. OK. By the time you have to fly to Atlanta next week you will be so grateful to watch something else on TV besides the Olympics wont’ you? Huh?
Now they are on the second part of the event. Looks bumpy.
Now look at her face, she’s concentrating so hard. Bug eyed. Yes. Focused.
Is she going to do it? YES. Awesome. Her fourth Olympics. Cool.
That’s so sweet. That just made me cry. So touching. His relationship with his brother is awesome.
Oh, it’s this again. It’s the men’s final.
Oh look, American Idol is on. Let’s watch it. OK. We are recording, we can come back to the Olympics.
… after American Idol.
Two Man Luge
They go down together, on one sled.
Ooooo… that looked bad. She’s out.
I love that shot. Up high like that? Yeah, it’s what they see. Look at that. So cool.
Listen to Weston snoring. He’s dreaming.
Is this almost over? It’s 11:00. Yes. This is the last event. Good, it’s bedtime.
Ouch. That hurts. That was a bad fall.
That was a big yawn. I’m sleepy.
Men’s Speed Skating – 1500
Look at their thighs. Wow.
I want to see the Luther twins. You mean Muhler? Yeah, I want to see the Muhler twins. Luther Muhler Muhler Luther. Oh, it’s Mulder.
He looks pained. Oh man.
Where’s that photo of us speed skating in Lake Placid? ha ha ha! Oh yeah. Let me go look. Here’s the one of you. Ha ha ha! I’m posting it.
Here’s the guy. Shani Davis. He looks like he’s slowing. Oh no, he’s not even going to medal.
Ooooooo. That’s gotta hurt. Is she USA? No. These women are unbelievable. That was terrible.
If you crashed on this course how could you even ski it again. I’d be terrified. I don’t know. They are flying.
Look how steep that is. Wow. Ew.
I love the people in the start gate who are yelling at them. Uh huh.
Speed Skating – Women’s 1000
I love this chocolate pudding with the toasted coconut. Tastes like an almond joy.
Look at the bird. Isn’t that cool? Yes, that is cool.
Head first. Man, that’s fast.
The butter on the toast? My honey loves that analogy. Butter on the toast. I do.
One curve at a time.
Men’s Ski Slopestyle
I wonder if he will tap the doll? Nope.
He has poles. That first guy didn’t. He has time to adjust his jacket. Ha ha! Yes he does. Wow, that was huge.
… hums the Olympic theme
He cracked the egg. Where is he from? France. With his dreads and huge clothes. He will have scrambled egg. Wait, he’s from Sweden.
Oh, he landed backwards. OH, c’mon dude, make it. He did. He landed backwards again. He’s an American dude. That was very good. He’s number one. By a lot.
Nice stretch. Sometimes a woman just has to stretch.
He touched the doll. He did? Yes. I didn’t see it. Rewind. Yep. He touched the matryoshka doll. What is a matryoshka doll anyway? I’m looking it up. Oh, it’s one of those nesting dolls. That must be their actual name. Who knew. Hmmm.
There’s big pants. I wonder why he wears those big clothes. More comfy I guess. How could they be more comfy, look at how they sag down like that.
Don’t be so excited honey.
Nose butter? Did he just say nose butter? Yes. What is that? I have no idea. His pants are falling off. He has straps.
He’s the dog lover. He has taken all these twitter pics of himself with stray dogs in Sochi. He’s paying to get some vaccinated. I love the dog lover.
Muting TV and yelling to K upstairs… Huh? I didn’t say anything. Oh, OK.
There’s the little dude. He says, give me a joint and I’ll go down. Ha ha ha! Oh, dude, that was amazing. He could be a pants model.
He’s not in the top 8. Why? Because he’s short. They take off points for being short. No they don’t.
Ooooooo! That was awesome. Watch him land. That was so perfect. Look at that happiness.
Different rails have different points. I don’t know if tap the doll is more points or if it’s an easy one. That was a pretty big backseat right there. Honey, you know the lingo. He looks like a girl. Don’t be sexist. I’m not, look at him, he looks girlish. OK, you’re right. He does look like a girl. See.
The U.S. Sweeps.
Men’s Figure Skating Short Program
Oh no, he had to withdraw. He’s in pain.
Ooooo. Wow. He crashed into the wall. He’s going to get up and finish. Wow. That was a terrible fall. That was. Ouch. That didn’t feel good at all.
Nice pony tail.
He waves goodbye, smiling. And then goes to have surgery. Ha ha ha!
They have a lot of different things they wear. Yeah, it’s the swag. They get all of it when they make the team. It’s a lot, this coat, those pants when they ski, that sweater from the opening ceremonies, and pajamas. ha ha ha!! They probably have pajamas with a drop seat. It is Russia. It’s cold. ha ha ha!!
Controversy aside, K and I are watching the Olympics. I can’t help myself. Neither can she. We watch, we get inspired, we feel the universal connection. And, we do our own commentary. Truthfully, we don’t just do commentary for the Olympics. It’s a nightly, daily, hourly occurrence in our house. But when the Olympics are on we seem, without even trying, to amp it up a tad more. I feel Bob Costas has nothing on us. In fact, I think we have second career possibility here. Really, we do.
So without further ado… Olympics Commentary, done our way.
Uh oh, that ring didn’t open up. Faux pas.
Wow. Look at the size of those sets. What is that?
You know, I don’t know much about Russia. Other than all the propaganda and cold war stuff we were fed. They are so far removed from us I don’t really have a clue about their lives. Yeah, me either. That’s one thing I love about the Olympics, you do get a peripheral sense of a country from it. A bit more of an insight. That part will be interesting. Yeah, I agree. Russia has produced some kick ass artists, composers, and writers though. Very creative. Must be the cold long winters.
Is that woman next to Putin his wife or daughter? I have no idea. Is he married? I don’t know.
I don’t really like all of this stuff, the show. You like the show, but not me. I know you don’t. I do though. I like the whole of it, start to finish. Opening ceremonies all the way through to the closing. It’s all a part of it. The athletes stories, the bits about the culture. I like it. I know. I don’t. I like the sports. Yes honey, I know.
I always cry during the Olympics. I pretty much cry through the whole thing. It’s very emotional to me.
He tapped the doll. What doll? The big doll. I didn’t see a doll. Rewind. Oh, there it is. I love that doll.
Team Figure Skating, women’s short program
I just need to pull this suit out of my ass. (speaking as if she was the skater)
There’s a guy from here who got 19th today. A guy from here? Yeah, a guy from here. What sport? Snowboarding? I guess it could have been figure skating. He was from here? Yeah, I heard it in the radio. From here? Yes. From here. I’m looking it up.
It’s hard on your knees to do moguls. When they are 60 they’re going to feel it.
I love Liberty Mutual’s commercial campaigns. They did that responsibility project thing and now the campaign is called rise. So good.
That guy from here was in the speed skating. Huh? That guy, from here. The one who got 19th. I looked it up. It was the 5000. Oh, cool.
I love luge.
I would do luge if I could sit up.
They don’t do anything in luge. They just lay there. They have to steer and stay aerodynamic. Yes, but they don’t really have to exert themselves.
Pampers. Inspired by babies. Did it really say that? Yes. Yes it did.
Men’s Ski Jumping, Normal Hill
If they were naked. You mean if they jumped naked? If they were naked it would be just skin. Skin tight. That’s as aerodynamic as you can get. It might be breezy. Could be a little bit cold. What if they just dipped you in colored wax. Like for their countries? To match their countries? Yeah. If they just dipped them in colored wax they would be aerodynamic. I know, yes, wait, they should have those birdman suits. Those wings. Then they could really fly. That would be totally cool. They would have to have longer landing zones if they wore those birdman suits. Yeah, but it would be cool. Yes it would.
Jazz hands. And now, Mickey Mouse hands.
We will have to watch that show. What happened to that show with that little dude? Touch? Yes, did they cancel that? We watched it for two seasons. Then, it just stopped. That was very profound.
Remarkable collection of humanity, I like that. I like that too.
Figure Skating Team Competition, Women’s free program
She’s the one with the butt. I don’t know what it is about her outfit. I don’t like it. Oooo, ouch, that’s going to leave a mark.
Yes, OK, she was born in Siberia. She moved to Sochi when she was two. Thank you. Sometimes I have a memory. I was paying attention. I have a secret crush on her. I know her life story. Creepy.
She’s very flexible. She can only do that because she’s 15. Yeah.
Oh, bobble. She’s not perfect. There she goes. That’s so weird-looking.
There’s Putin. He looked happy. Yeah. He says to himself, I’m going to date her someday. Ha ha ha!! Well, he was dating that other one. She looked young. Or, it was RUMORED he was dating that other one.
She didn’t tap the doll either. They are nowhere near high enough to tap the doll. Ooooo, that had to hurt.
That was a backside 180. Isn’t it OK she hit her backside? Ha ha! She should get extra points for that.
Nobody is going to think this is funny except me and you. That’s OK, we think it’s funny. True. Weston and Riley would think it’s funny. Weston and Riley are unimpressed with the whole thing. They are sleeping.
How come all these snowboarding girls are cute. I don’t know. Is that a requirement? They’re all blonde.
She was having such a good run. Uhg! Right at the end.
Wow. These guys are insane. Oooo, look at that.
There’s a guy in that tree.
He didn’t win. I don’t even want to watch it anymore. So sad. Move on.