As people begin to change their Facebook profile photos to pictures of their Moms I felt, this year, I needed to do a bit more than that. Yes, I’ll be changing my photo too, but that just doesn’t seem like enough. I needed to say a bit more about my Mom. She’s a good one.
Where to begin. What to say. She is a woman of many talents, of many depths, of many experiences. She is a helper, a champion, a sounding board, and a fantastic example to follow. Her heart is big and holds so many of us in it. She’s independent and fierce when she needs to be, sometimes stubborn, sometimes tough, always up for an adventure. She smiles easily, looks you in the eye, and gives a great hug.
I have stories. So many stories.
When I finally told Mom I was gay she cried. Not because she was upset I was gay, but that it took me so long to tell her, that I had been conflicted, afraid, unsure. She ached for me, for my struggle, because I had been scared. That’s love. That aching for another person with no thought of herself, that my friends is unconditional love.
She was just here visiting us, we had all this stuff planned, but plans change and in the middle of her visit we, she and I, ended up driving 6 and a half hours one way to drop off our trailer at the factory, we hung out for a couple of nights in that area, then drove the 6 and a half hours back home. She’s a great travel buddy, plus she took it all in stride. Was totally up for it. Her adventurous spirit fully on display. She is literally up for anything at any time. She once ate a fish eye in Guatemala and crickets in some other place I can’t remember, for goodness sake. I wouldn’t do that. Mom did.
Our family history is complex and beautiful. There have been additions throughout the years and through it all, she opens her arms and her heart to everyone. My step siblings, half siblings, friends, my wife and her family, and on and on. Her heart is big.
I grew up with Mom’s whistle. It’s an amazing thing, birdlike and stunning. She went through a period of time when she couldn’t whistle (she had braces) and it amazed me how much I missed it. Luckily it’s back. Seriously, it’s a great whistle. Some of my fondest memories are of doing the dishes with Mom when I was younger and listening to her whistle, or make up songs.
Making up songs. Mom can be silly, she knows how to laugh, how to have fun. When we were doing those dishes I would throw out some or other thing, a topic, an item, whatever, and Mom would make up a song on the spot about it. She might not even remember this, but I got the biggest kick out of it.
Mom is a jack of all trades and contrary to the saying, she’s a master of many of them. In fact, I literally can’t think of a single thing she’s attempted that she didn’t end up being able to do. Kids always think their parents can do anything, I know mine can. It’s not just me that thinks this. When anyone has a problem to solve, a thing to build or construct, some gardening question, whatever… she can help. She usually just knows, but if she doesn’t she has a great mind for problem-solving. She’s a fantastic problem solver.
She also pitches in, helps out. All the time. Whenever she’s needed. It’s above and beyond. When I was sick she helped out at our house. When K had to go to England for a month during my illness she would only go if Mom agreed to stay with me. Mom agreed, even though she had her own life going on. And that didn’t mean just staying with me, she took care of me. Got me to appointments, stayed with me in the hospital when I spiked a temp and had to go in for a week while they shot me full of antibiotics, helped me through some bouts of anxiety and panic about leaving our house during that time, cooked for me, helped me shower. And other times, before I was sick, and since as well, she’s helped us so many times. Painting and dog sitting and yard stuff and working on our Oregon house before we put it on the market and with the rentals and on and on and on. I don’t have enough room here for all the times she’s helped us, all the things she’s done. I am forever grateful and beyond lucky.
She is full of grace. As in she handles very tough situations with a grace and depth of feeling I admire. Unfortunately, Mom’s lost two husbands. The first she was a caretaker to for nearly a year before he left us, and the second suddenly, without warning. Both times, handling it with such grace. There was emotion and great sadness, both times, but through it all, she never acted bitterly toward those around her, she never took anything out on anyone, she kept going, stayed strong, and never gave up on herself, on us, on life. She impresses me every day.
Mom’s a great human. Of course, she has her faults, don’t we all, but she is fully a fantastic human. Loving, forgiving, open, honest, full of integrity, fun-loving, smart, feisty, adventurous, kind, and just plain nice. She’s a genuinely nice person.
I don’t pretend to know all the depths of her. No one can know all things about another person, but in my nearly 52 years I can honestly say that she is one of my two most favorite people to spend time with, the other obviously, if you’ve read this blog, being K. Which puts Mom not just in the Mom category, but in the friend category. I enjoy being with her, am a better person for the time I’ve spent with her.
I wouldn’t be who I am without her, wouldn’t have the life I have without all the help and guidance and love she’s given and continues to give to me. I say this all the time because I have that Mom, the one all the friends like and everyone wishes they had, and I have her, so I say this all the time… I am lucky. Beyond lucky. I was blessed and lucky to have her as my Mom. I know this. I’m fully cognizant of the fact.
I wish I could somehow bottle the feeling I have right now, this feeling of being overwhelmed with love and joy and pride and gratefulness for having this wonderful person in my life. I wish I could give it away, let other people experience it too. I can’t pour it into this page so that it emanates out to everyone who might stumble across this post, but I wish I could. It’s a great feeling, this feeling of overwhelming love.
It’s a great feeling because I have a great Mom. A one of a kind, in her own class kind of Mom. I can’t really, fully, describe it, but I guess this attempt will have to do. Until that is, I can give her a hug.
I love you so very much, Mom.
Now, excuse me while I go and change my Facebook profile photo.
We are very corny. Silly even. It’s something both K and I share, a genuine dorkiness. It makes our lives fun, we laugh a lot. Because we love to laugh, we love to make other people laugh. Sharing laughter is a kindness. To yourself, and to the person you shared the laugh with. So today we recorded ourselves doing really corny knock knock jokes and sent them out to some people. We totally cracked ourselves up. I hope we made our people laugh as well.
Sometimes the kind thing is a thing you might do anyway. Something as simple as helping out someone when they’re in need. Kindness doesn’t have to be done in big grand gestures or deliberate acts for someone you don’t know. It can be simple, and right at home. The kid’s water heater went out. They’ve had a couple of days of no hot water, which they’ve managed to deal with pretty well, but the one thing they couldn’t get done at home were baths for the kids. So today they came over and the littles had a bath. Kindness can be about just being there for someone when they need you to be. And in fact, we should be kind like that as much as we can be.
Today is our anniversary. Number 13. I’ve been sitting here staring at the screen for several minutes now trying to form a coherent thought in an attempt to describe my love and my relationship. The only things that keep coming are rushes of words… tender, grateful, peace, safety, rock-solid, trust, truth, faith, honesty, center, love, and love, and love. It’s been going on like that in my head, in my heart.