Here it is, just what you’ve been waiting for, the second installment of Olympics Commentary, done our way. Enjoy!
Speed Skating – Men’s 1000
Shmeegle wins! No he didn’t, he came in third. No, he was first. No he wasn’t. Yes. Oh, time correction, he’s second. He had been first. That’s what I said. Oh, I thought he was third and the brothers were one and two. No. I was confused. Yes, you were.
Short Track Speed Skating
I love that Apolo is doing commentary. He knows so much about the sport. Yeah, and he’s good at it. He is.
It’s short track, one of your favorite events. This is crazy. It’s bedlam out there. Anything can happen. Skill and luck have to combine perfectly all at this one moment in order for them to win a medal.
Ooooo, was he touched? No. He didn’t medal. Sad. Viktor Ahn, formerly a Korea member, is now skating for Russia. He is? Yes. He got the bronze.
Want to watch curling? Women’s? No. Ha ha ha! OK.
Women’s Super Combined
Did you see her face? She’s so relaxed. Uh huh. I would look like this (grimacing and clenching teeth). Ha ha!
I can’t even snow plow. Ha ha ha!
I can’t believe how relaxed she looks. They are going like 80 miles per hour.
What are you looking at on your iPad? Just reading. Yes, what are you reading? Just some article on the market. OK. By the time you have to fly to Atlanta next week you will be so grateful to watch something else on TV besides the Olympics wont’ you? Huh?
Now they are on the second part of the event. Looks bumpy.
Now look at her face, she’s concentrating so hard. Bug eyed. Yes. Focused.
Is she going to do it? YES. Awesome. Her fourth Olympics. Cool.
That’s so sweet. That just made me cry. So touching. His relationship with his brother is awesome.
Oh, it’s this again. It’s the men’s final.
Oh look, American Idol is on. Let’s watch it. OK. We are recording, we can come back to the Olympics.
… after American Idol.
Two Man Luge
They go down together, on one sled.
Ooooo… that looked bad. She’s out.
I love that shot. Up high like that? Yeah, it’s what they see. Look at that. So cool.
Listen to Weston snoring. He’s dreaming.
Is this almost over? It’s 11:00. Yes. This is the last event. Good, it’s bedtime.
Ouch. That hurts. That was a bad fall.
That was a big yawn. I’m sleepy.
Men’s Speed Skating – 1500
Look at their thighs. Wow.
I want to see the Luther twins. You mean Muhler? Yeah, I want to see the Muhler twins. Luther Muhler Muhler Luther. Oh, it’s Mulder.
He looks pained. Oh man.
Where’s that photo of us speed skating in Lake Placid? ha ha ha! Oh yeah. Let me go look. Here’s the one of you. Ha ha ha! I’m posting it.
Here’s the guy. Shani Davis. He looks like he’s slowing. Oh no, he’s not even going to medal.
Ooooooo. That’s gotta hurt. Is she USA? No. These women are unbelievable. That was terrible.
If you crashed on this course how could you even ski it again. I’d be terrified. I don’t know. They are flying.
Look how steep that is. Wow. Ew.
I love the people in the start gate who are yelling at them. Uh huh.
Speed Skating – Women’s 1000
I love this chocolate pudding with the toasted coconut. Tastes like an almond joy.
Look at the bird. Isn’t that cool? Yes, that is cool.
Head first. Man, that’s fast.
The butter on the toast? My honey loves that analogy. Butter on the toast. I do.
One curve at a time.
Men’s Ski Slopestyle
I wonder if he will tap the doll? Nope.
He has poles. That first guy didn’t. He has time to adjust his jacket. Ha ha! Yes he does. Wow, that was huge.
… hums the Olympic theme
He cracked the egg. Where is he from? France. With his dreads and huge clothes. He will have scrambled egg. Wait, he’s from Sweden.
Oh, he landed backwards. OH, c’mon dude, make it. He did. He landed backwards again. He’s an American dude. That was very good. He’s number one. By a lot.
Nice stretch. Sometimes a woman just has to stretch.
He touched the doll. He did? Yes. I didn’t see it. Rewind. Yep. He touched the matryoshka doll. What is a matryoshka doll anyway? I’m looking it up. Oh, it’s one of those nesting dolls. That must be their actual name. Who knew. Hmmm.
There’s big pants. I wonder why he wears those big clothes. More comfy I guess. How could they be more comfy, look at how they sag down like that.
Don’t be so excited honey.
Nose butter? Did he just say nose butter? Yes. What is that? I have no idea. His pants are falling off. He has straps.
He’s the dog lover. He has taken all these twitter pics of himself with stray dogs in Sochi. He’s paying to get some vaccinated. I love the dog lover.
Muting TV and yelling to K upstairs… Huh? I didn’t say anything. Oh, OK.
There’s the little dude. He says, give me a joint and I’ll go down. Ha ha ha! Oh, dude, that was amazing. He could be a pants model.
He’s not in the top 8. Why? Because he’s short. They take off points for being short. No they don’t.
Ooooooo! That was awesome. Watch him land. That was so perfect. Look at that happiness.
Different rails have different points. I don’t know if tap the doll is more points or if it’s an easy one. That was a pretty big backseat right there. Honey, you know the lingo. He looks like a girl. Don’t be sexist. I’m not, look at him, he looks girlish. OK, you’re right. He does look like a girl. See.
The U.S. Sweeps.
Men’s Figure Skating Short Program
Oh no, he had to withdraw. He’s in pain.
Ooooo. Wow. He crashed into the wall. He’s going to get up and finish. Wow. That was a terrible fall. That was. Ouch. That didn’t feel good at all.
Nice pony tail.
He waves goodbye, smiling. And then goes to have surgery. Ha ha ha!
They have a lot of different things they wear. Yeah, it’s the swag. They get all of it when they make the team. It’s a lot, this coat, those pants when they ski, that sweater from the opening ceremonies, and pajamas. ha ha ha!! They probably have pajamas with a drop seat. It is Russia. It’s cold. ha ha ha!!