Going Global

Olympics Commentary, Our Way (Part 1)

Controversy aside, K and I are watching the Olympics.  I can’t help myself.  Neither can she.  We watch, we get inspired, we feel the universal connection.  And, we do our own commentary.  Truthfully, we don’t just do commentary for the Olympics.  It’s a nightly, daily, hourly occurrence in our house.  But when the Olympics are on we seem, without even trying, to amp it up a tad more.  I feel Bob Costas has nothing on us.  In fact, I think we have  second career possibility here.  Really, we do.


So without further ado… Olympics Commentary, done our way.

Opening Ceremony

Uh oh, that ring didn’t open up.  Faux pas.

Wow.  Look at the size of those sets.  What is that?

You know, I don’t know much about Russia.  Other than all the propaganda and cold war stuff we were fed.  They are so far removed from us I don’t really have a clue about their lives.  Yeah, me either.  That’s one thing I love about the Olympics, you do get a peripheral sense of a country from it.  A bit more of an insight.  That part will be interesting.  Yeah, I agree.  Russia has produced some kick ass artists, composers, and writers though.  Very creative.  Must be the cold long winters.

Is that woman next to Putin his wife or daughter?  I have no idea.  Is he married?  I don’t know.

I don’t really like all of this stuff, the show.  You like the show, but not me.  I know you don’t.  I do though.  I like the whole of it, start to finish.  Opening ceremonies all the way through to the closing.  It’s all a part of it.  The athletes stories, the bits about the culture.  I like it.  I know.  I don’t.  I like the sports.  Yes honey, I know.

I always cry during the Olympics.  I pretty much cry through the whole thing.  It’s very emotional to me.

Men’s Slopestyle

He tapped the doll.  What doll?  The big doll.  I didn’t see a doll.  Rewind.  Oh, there it is.  I love that doll.

Team Figure Skating, women’s short program

I just need to pull this suit out of my ass.  (speaking as if she was the skater)

There’s a guy from here who got 19th today. A guy from here? Yeah, a guy from here. What sport? Snowboarding? I guess it could have been figure skating. He was from here? Yeah, I heard it in the radio. From here? Yes. From here. I’m looking it up.

Women’s Moguls

It’s hard on your knees to do moguls. When they are 60 they’re going to feel it.

I love Liberty Mutual’s commercial campaigns.  They did that responsibility project thing and now the campaign is called rise.  So good.

That guy from here was in the speed skating.  Huh?  That guy, from here.  The one who got 19th.  I looked it up.  It was the 5000.  Oh, cool.


I love luge.

I would do luge if I could sit up.

They don’t do anything in luge.  They just lay there.  They have to steer and stay aerodynamic.  Yes, but they don’t really have to exert themselves.

Pampers.  Inspired by babies.  Did it really say that?  Yes.  Yes it did.

Men’s Ski Jumping, Normal Hill

If they were naked.  You mean if they jumped naked?  If they were naked it would be just skin.  Skin tight.  That’s as aerodynamic as you can get. It might be breezy.  Could be a little bit cold.  What if they just dipped you in colored wax.  Like for their countries?  To match their countries? Yeah.  If they just dipped them in colored wax they would be aerodynamic.  I know, yes, wait, they should have those birdman suits.  Those wings.  Then they could really fly.  That would be totally cool.  They would have to have longer landing zones if they wore those birdman suits.  Yeah, but it would be cool.  Yes it would.

Jazz hands.  And now, Mickey Mouse hands.

We will have to watch that show.  What happened to that show with that little dude?  Touch?  Yes, did they cancel that?  We watched it for two seasons.  Then, it just stopped.  That was very profound.

Remarkable collection of humanity, I like that.  I like that too.

Figure Skating Team Competition, Women’s free program

She’s the one with the butt.  I don’t know what it is about her outfit.  I don’t like it.  Oooo, ouch, that’s going to leave a mark.

Yes, OK, she was born in Siberia.  She moved to Sochi when she was two.  Thank you.  Sometimes I have a memory.  I was paying attention.  I have a secret crush on her.  I know her life story.  Creepy.

She’s very flexible.  She can only do that because she’s 15.  Yeah.

Oh, bobble.  She’s not perfect.  There she goes.  That’s so weird-looking.

There’s Putin.  He looked happy.  Yeah.  He says to himself, I’m going to date her someday.  Ha ha ha!!  Well, he was dating that other one.  She looked young.  Or, it was RUMORED he was dating that other one.

Women’s Slopestyle

She didn’t tap the doll either.  They are nowhere near high enough to tap the doll.  Ooooo, that had to hurt.

That was a backside 180.  Isn’t it OK she hit her backside?  Ha ha!  She should get extra points for that.

Nobody is going to think this is funny except me and you.  That’s OK, we think it’s funny.  True.  Weston and Riley would think it’s funny.  Weston and Riley are unimpressed with the whole thing.  They are sleeping.

How come all these snowboarding girls are cute.  I don’t know.  Is that a requirement?  They’re all blonde.

She was having such a good run.  Uhg!  Right at the end.

Men’s downhill

Wow.  These guys are insane. Oooo, look at that.

There’s a guy in that tree.

He didn’t win.  I don’t even want to watch it anymore.  So sad.  Move on.