Reverb13

I noticed, while reading a friends blog, that she participates and has participated in a thing called reverb.  As a blogger I’ve heard of this before, but never really investigated.  So this year, after seeing that she was participating in reverb again this year I headed over to the site, Project Reverb, she linked to in her post.  I looked it over and have decided I might give it a try.  Not sure if I’ll be diligent enough to get it done every day, but I’ll give it a go and see what happens.  Since it’s already the 6th of the month I thought I’d post the answers to the first six prompts here.  I’ll try to keep it concise and not wax on too much.  This should be an interesting exercise in reflection and projection, which is what it’s all about.

1.  How did 2013 start?  Sadly it started with a phone call from my Mom letting us know her husband had passed away.  I spent that day trying to get my travel plans worked out and flew to Oregon the next day.  I spent 19 days with Mom in January, watching her grace shine as her heart was breaking.  When I came back home I wrote this post about her.  I just re-read it and want to post part of it here… I am so proud, every day, to be her daughter.  So proud.

Somehow, through tears and sadness and heartbreak, she manages to keep that wonderful smile.  She manages to see that there is still beauty and love and hope and reason in the world.  This doesn’t mean she hasn’t been hurt and sad and angry in the last three weeks, or at other time in her life, it just means she knows how to feel that and still see the love around her.  She looks at the world with the best eyes… eyes of hope and love and possibility.  She doesn’t let circumstance weigh her down, change her outlook, make her cynical and hard.  She never plays the victim and has never been one.  It’s spectacular, really spectacular.

Mom has had her share of sadness and loss.  My heart aches for her now, as it has in the past, as she deals with this heartbreak.  But I know something, something she knows too, something she said to me herself, I know she will be OK.  And she will.  Knowing that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of her many many times a day and trying to will my love to her over the miles between us, I am and I do.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to hug her and tell her over and over that I love her and that even though I am miles away I’m holding her.  I think she knows this.  I hope she feels it.  But knowing it helps me, and her too I think.  As she gets through the hours, and days, and the next few months, she will keep her life moving forward.  She will love and be loved, she will have happiness and joy, she will laugh and have peace again.  She will be OK because she is grace under pressure.  She will be OK because she knows there’s more good than bad in the world, and that light always shines it’s way into dark spaces.  She will be OK because Mom is strong beyond measure.  She’s stronger than even she is aware of I think.  She will be OK because it’s who she is.

Reading that again makes me cry.  So much of who I am comes from my Mom.  This year started with sadness and difficulty for her, but who she is, and how she handled that, yet again, make me so proud to be her daughter.  It seems I’m continually amazed, still, after all these years, by the incredible woman she is.

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2.  What was the best moment of 2013?  Do I have to pick only one?  There were actually two pretty spectacular moments.  One in April, the 9th to be exact, when my honey and I celebrated our 10th anniversary.  I’m grateful for her every day, blessed to have found her, luckier still that she somehow finds it in her to love me back.  It’s a miracle, she is a miracle.  My miracle anyway.  And 10 years together is an amazing thing.  We did a road trip to Portland, Maine.  We thought it fitting since we met in Portland, Oregon.  10 days for our 10 years together.  It was amazing.  As she is amazing.  The second best moment was the birth, in May, of our second grandchild, Dominic.  He is pure joy.  Always smiling, always happy, dimples for days.  I love him.

3.  What was the bravest thing I did in 2013?  Really?  I don’t feel super brave.  I didn’t conquer any big fears or climb any big mountains.  I didn’t stand on a super tall building and look over the side.  I didn’t save anyone from drowning or pull anyone out of a burning building.  I did get back in the pool again.  Started swimming again.  First time in years.  Not really brave, but kinda cool.  Maybe I’ll think of something, but right now, I got nothin else.  🙂

4.  20/20: Hindsight is the one thing we never benefit from in the present.  Is there one moment you wish you could do over?  Hmmm… I’m not a regrets person.  I do what I do, things happen the way they do, and that’s it.  I move forward.  Not to say I think I always do the right thing or say the right things, etc.  I definitely have my flaws.  It’s just that when I make a mistake or do something I realize later I should have or would have done differently, I have to look at it and say… well, that’s what I did.  That’s how I handled that situation and next time I will try to be the better me.  This always relates to interactions with people I love most.  Times when I get testy or snippy or angry.  I am who I am, and I’m always trying to do better, be better, improve.  Thinking about something I could do over just makes me think of a hundred little times I could have worded something differently or used a different tone.  It makes me think I should try to be cognizant of these things and present in the moment enough to be really aware of who I am being right then.  It’s a journey… I’m on it.

5.  Did you take on a new challenge?  What was it?  Is there are challenge you deliberately avoided?  What do you want to do to challenge yourself in 2014?  I’d say one challenge I took up was getting back in the pool.  Another, and more recent challenge, which will then be something I’m striving to do more of in 2014, is to write.  I have this blog and I’ve been fairly sporadic about writing here.  Lately I’ve tried to be more consistent, get in the habit of writing something every day.  Even if it’s something small.  Another challenge, I guess, goes along with number four, above.  Strive to be in the moment, not worrying, not planning, not even reflecting, but just where I am and absorbing what’s going on right then.  Be in the now, as they say.

6.  How did you celebrate the passage of another year?  Did it turn out the way you had hoped?  I, along with my honey and my Mom, who was visiting, went to a nearby town and did some bike riding along the river there.  We got some good coffee beforehand and some good lunch afterward.  It was a nice day.  Relaxing.  Exactly what I wanted to be doing and who I wanted to be doing it with.

And that, to date anyway, is a wrap.  I’m caught up now.  Let’s see if I can keep it going.

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