I’m sentimental, empathetic, and very in tune with the feelings of others. Always have been. It’s the thing that makes me cry during silly commercials, sporting events, and when I hear a song on the radio that makes me think of someone I love. I feel things deeply. All things. Sometimes this makes it hard, I’m sure, to live with me. When I’m upset I’m emotionally upset, which I myself don’t always understand, and when I feel love I am so full of love I sometimes fear my body won’t be able to contain it. All of this emotion comes from the same well deep inside of me. It is at times overwhelming, explosive, warm, joyous, and all consuming. I don’t always appreciate these deep feelings I have, and have sometimes wished I didn’t have them at all, but honestly, I’m glad I’m like this. I’m glad I see, and feel, the world this way, through this blanket of empathy and love.
Earlier today I watched a Youtube video of a man using a flash mob, in Central Park, to help him propose to his boyfriend of many years. It was beautiful. Simply put, love is love. There can’t be too much of it in the world, in my opinion. So while I was watching this video I started to cry. It was moving, and as noted above, I’m a crier. I felt for them, was happy for them, happy for the people watching, happy for one of the guys Mom’s who was there to see it and crying herself. My honey looked over at me, we were both in our office, and said you must be watching something emotional. I had headphones on and tears streaming down my face. She’s used to this.
I watched the video and listened to that song and thought, once again, of my honey and how lucky I am to have her. It’s really, I think, why I was crying today. I was overwhelmed by the love I feel for her. I am difficult to live with. Difficult to love sometimes I think, but she is always right there, loving me as if it’s easy for her. Making me feel as though it’s easy for her, as though it’s something she has always done, something that’s natural and true. I am so blessed and lucky that she somehow manages to understand me and love me for all that I am, good and difficult. For 10 years. 10. I can’t express how much I love her. It comes from a place so deep inside that deep well of mine that I don’t think there are actually words. Just feelings so big and strong and true they defy articulation.
Honey… I have loved you for a thousand years and will love you for a thousand more….