My honey is my strength. I’ve known this for a long time. I don’t want to say I don’t have my own strength, I do. I have tons of it. But somehow I feel stronger with her around. I feel like more is possible and that I can do things I didn’t think I could, or I was afraid to do. I don’t know.
Since this whole thing happened to us (because it definitely didn’t just happen to me) I have not been myself completely. I, as I said before, get panic attacks now. For anyone who knows me this would be very surprising since I was (and will be again) the most mellow of people. Very laid back. Now, out of the blue, I get these moments of anxiety and panic. Weird.
This brings me to today. My sweetie decided that I needed to get out of the house. She has decided I need to get out of the house a lot more than I have. She’s right. So today we decided to go for a drive, but as the time approached for us to leave I started to get wonky. Which is what I call it… getting wonky. I started sweating, my heart started racing, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, felt like my throat was closing… the whole nine yards. I got testy and worried and a bit freaked out. My honey kept talking to me, telling me I could do it, and we ended up getting teas and then driving around Sauvie Island. I was fine by the time we actually got to the island. It was a very good thing for me, and she knew it. At one point I felt like I couldn’t do it, but she knew I could. She’s my strength now… until I fully get my own back.
On another note, but sort of the same…. many of my friends have had family members diagnosed recently, and some not so recently, with cancer. One of those friends lost a family member today. My word to the universe, through this blog, is give what you can to research. It’s the way through this terrible thing called cancer. Much love to my friend and her family as they mourn and then celebrate a beautiful life lost, and to my other friend and his family as they start down the road and begin the fight.