Tam’s Think Tank

It’s day four and it’s almost over and on to day five. Tomorrow, after chemo and a bit of time after for recovery, pick up of meds, and getting our stuff in the car, we will hopefully be heading home by mid afternoon. Can’t wait to get back home this time. Definitely more relaxed and mellow there.

Today they premeded (not exactly a word, but you know sometimes there are no words but the ones we make up) the heck out of me…. Steroids, anti-nausea, Ativan, Tylenol, and an in iV dose of benadryl. It seemed to do the trick along with holding warm compresses to my vein/iV site during the infusion. Quite the process. The new IV site is in a smallish vein and my veins are small anyway… And they shrink up when I get nervous. Like I said, a process. But hey, one more day in this round. Yay! Almost over and home.

Karen went to Spaghetti Factory again this evening. Food and another dose of Ativan (which is for nausea as well as nerves), plus a walk, has calmed the nausea I was having. That was awhile ago. Now I’m having some tea my honey made. Decaf green mandarin orange. She also rubbed my feet during the infusion and then my back later… Earlier this evening. She is amazing.

Day three…. New IV site this afternoon after my chemo round earlier today. The first one lasted three days. Not bad considering the harshness of the chemo drug and the steroids they have to keep pushing because of my continued throat reaction. The first site was getting sore, hence the change of site. Hopefully this one lasts the two days it needs to. Crossing fingers for that and a lesser reaction to the chemo med. This throat thing is a bit disconcerting.

In other news Karen went to get us some dinner tonight after she worked all day. She was able to get online via the card today so that was great. Made it easier for her to be with me and to do the meetings she had to do. The dinner was from Panda Express…. Orange Chicken over rice for me in a bowl and orange chicken and Beijing Beef with rice for her. Tasty. For dessert we were going to have cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory because my honey thought she saw one at the Clackamas Town Center. Alas, after getting our taste buds all psyched for it she got there and realized there wasn’t one there. The dessert alternative? Chocolate and toffee nut cookies from Panera (also a great choice!). It was all good if you ask me. We only ate a chocolate cookie each so we still have some for snacks tomorrow. Yay! It’s the small pleasures in life!

We are both anxious to get out day after tomorrow. We’re tired of being here. Everyone is wonderful, as usual, but we would much rather be home. We are over the hump now and heading to the home stretch. Not long and we will be back at home. Two more nights. One more take out dinner.

Had a lovely chef salad today for lunch accompanied by a wheat roll and a small tidbit of a brownie. It was so nice to be able to eat a salad with veggies on it. Really…. You don’t realize how much you miss them until you can’t have them.

Had my second round of the blue stuff today with all the same blue side effects. Denise, I sent you a picture. It was a tad bit of a struggle with the iV, but it held. I got Ativan beforehand to help me, and consequently my veins, relax. Karen also spent the whole time massaging my feet to try and keep me relaxed. Not to mention the warm compress on the Iv site and my arm. A process that worked today. Three days to go, we shall see if it holds. Gracy, my sweet nurse yesterday and today, is off the next two days so we will have to train the new one on all my little idiosyncrasies. They are all pretty sweet so it should be ok. If all else fails I’ll get a new IV site. Hopefully not, but if I have to I do. The nurses wish I had a picc line again, and really so do I. Alas, it is not so. I’m keeping positive, with Karen’s help, and after all, we will be back home with this behind us on Wednesday afternoon. Yay!

Karen has been keeping me company and trying to not get too bored. She is wonderful.

Last night she went out for dinner for us, picked up some pasta and brought it back to the room. It was tasty tasty. Tonight, who knows…. Probably something good as well. We went for a walk around the loop here this morning and probably will again later today.

And now Nate is here to do vitals…. Cheers.

It’s another scorcher out there today, so we are in.  Had breakfast, then lunch, took showers, and now we are both surfing the net on our laptops while watching King Arthur.  It’s slow.  We may have to put in the Netflix movie we still haven’t watched.  I got on the treadmill this morning.  Karen just got done on it.  I walk. She runs.  Since I can’t go out of the house right now, the treadmill has been great.  At least I get up and walk a bit.  20 minutes in the morning, 20 more in the evening.  It’s great for Karen as well these last couple of days since the shop is way too hot to go out and work out on the equipment in there.

The dogs are spending most of these hot days sleeping where the fan can blow on them.  Weston is a bit restless, but then finds another spot to lay down and he takes another little nap.  Riley is asleep on top of one of the cushions of the sectional right by Karen.

Laundry is in and later we have ribs, left over from last night’s dinner, that Karen made.  So good.  The highlights of my days are finding a good movie on TV and what we have for dinner.  LOL

Saturday and we are staying in.  We closed up the house this morning about 10 and have been kind of hunkered down since then.  The exceptions were my honey going to the store and then barbecuing ribs.  I took a bath, thankful for the air conditioner in our bedroom that made a bath bearable, and have been watching movies all day.

Now… dinner and then Lethal Weapon 2 followed by, in all likelihood, three and four.  We watched one this morning, recorded two on the dvr, and can watch three and four on Netflix via the play now option and a cord from the laptop to the tv.  And that is our day.  Mellow and nice.

Hope everyone out there is staying cool…. it’s a hot one.

Went in for the blood draw today.  Counts are in and it’s a mixed bag.  My hematocrit and hemoglobin (red blood counts… RBC) are up a bit.  My platelets are down a little, but still in the normal range.  My white blood count however, along with the neutrophils, are down again.  I’m still in the moderate range of infection, though my neutrophils are only a smidge above high danger of infection range.  I’ve been here before.  Hopefully we are bottoming out here and by Thursday they are coming up, but one never knows.  That’s the hope.  I feel pretty good (because of the still decent red blood counts) and it would be great to be able to get out of the house safely, without a mask (Had to wear one today when going to get the draw and have to every time I leave… which I don’t really unless I’m going to get a draw or go to the clinic). I am, once again, the boy (or in this case girl) in the plastic bubble.  LOL  Kev offered to get me the suit, the one that’s self contained with the helmet.  I said no, for now…  I look at it all this way… the counts are down means the chemo is doing it’s job, which is what we want.  We want it to do it’s job so that’s a good thing.

My spirits are pretty good for the most part.  They go up and down as one would imagine, sometimes all in the same day.   I still have moments where the anxiety kicks in and then Ativan is my friend.  The anxiety doesn’t happen often anymore, but it does still happen.  It’s natural and very normal even though, for me, it’s a bit strange since I’m usually so mellow as a person.  But again, it’s pretty normal to have these anxiety attacks when going through something like this.  I get through them.  I always know what they are, so even during one I’m saying to myself… it will pass, it will pass.  And it always does.  I got on the treadmill today and then took a long hot bath.  Both good for the soul, and the nerves.

Karen just left for the store… more milk for cereal, batteries for the garage door opener, bread, ham for those panini sandwiches I love, and some cookies for me.   I didn’t crave sweets for a couple of months, but now every once in awhile I am craving them.

I’m watching the show Challenge on the Food Network (the Food Network and HGTV are my staples… along with the Travel Channel and whatever channel is showing a movie I might like to watch.  Earlier today I watched the Inside Man… not stellar, but watchable.  I’m not that picky.  I’ve even watched some Lifetime movies… yeah, I know… shudder at the thought.).  The challenge today is sandwich making.  Sandwiches are one of my favorite things to eat.  Yum yum!  It’s making me crave my favorite sandwich… the hot pastrami on challah bread from Kornblatt’s Deli on 23rd.  Now THAT is a sandwich.  SO good.  I will just add it to the list of restaurant foods I want when I can have them (can’t have food cooked in restaurants while I’m neutropenic… good thing my honey makes some tasty vittles!).

On that happy note… time to sign off of today’s entry and get down to figuring out what to watch (sandwich challenge is over)… and the winner is HGTV’s show Property Virgins.  You should check it out if you haven’t.

Sunday and my last dose of ATRA for awhile.  Yay!  Having to take 5 in the morning and 5 at night every day, pretty much since June 1 (OK, I did have two and half days off right before my last round, but seriously… not much of a break).  This is awesome.  Not sure what I will do not taking it, other than liking not having to take it.

It was a relaxing day around the old abode today.  Loads of movie watching for my honey and I.  She actually cut down on the chores a little and hung out with me, watching movies, taking a little nap, and hanging.  So nice to just be with her.  Yes, she did some laundry and some watering of plants, but that didn’t take long.  She also wrangled a bat out of the front umbrella.  It’s the second time we’ve had a bat take up residence in that umbrella.  It moved from there to the eave.  We are like wild kingdom around here with Goodyear the rubber boa, the rabbit, and now the bat. Too fun.

Now, after eating leftovers of a great lasagna my sweetie made, we are enjoying a nice cup of after dinner decaf and watching the food network.  A nice day.

A quiet day at the abode today.  I did take a shower, which was nice, and Karen went to the store, the bank, and the pet store (yay!  bullies for the pups… they are SO happy!).  Not much going on.  Tomorrow is the next blood test which will tell us where I am.  I was feeling slightly punky this morning… not terrible, just a bit punky, but am feeling much better this afternoon.  Actually, I felt much better after I ate lunch.  I’ve found eating something every couple of hours helps a lot.  So those sweet and salty bars Karen picked up have come in really handy.

For some reason today my words sound to me like blah blah blah blah… LOLOL  It’s making me laugh.  Guess this means the entry for today is going to be short.  Hope everyone out there is having a fantastic day!

Went in for the blood draw today.  After that we sat in the waiting room of the oncology department for an hour waiting for an advice nurse.  She finally came out to tell me that the sore spot on my hand, the one with the lump in it that is where I had an IV during my last hospital stay, has phlebitis.  Apparently either the push was too fast for that vein or something.  Either way the vein got inflamed, which is why it’s sore.  The advice nurse told me if we got to it earlier it would’ve been easier to treat.  I asked her if it would go away and she said possibly/probably after a long time.  Yeah?!!  I’m hoping it does.  I’m going to try the treatment she said it needed initially and see if, a week later, it still helps.  Basically we’re talking ice and heat and tylenol.  I’ve already done the tylenol.  LOL  We’ll see what the ice and heat do for it.

As for the blood numbers…  They are down… the white blood cells and neutrophils down quite a bit.  I’m not neutropenic yet (and maybe won’t be), but we won’t really be able to tell which way my numbers are going until I get the draw on Thursday.  For now we are going to act as if I am neutropenic just in case they are going down.  They are close enough that precautions won’t hurt.  We know what to do.  No fresh fruits or veggies, no people with colds or people who have been around people with colds, no dirt, and no people who have cleaned the cat box (strange I know, and we don’t really know why, but this is a biggie).  Apparently being around the dogs is OK.  At least that’s what they told us before.  We are going with that.  And really… I’m not neutropenic yet, and again, may not even get there.

It was a long Monday.  Karen was/is exhausted.  My honey had to get up at 5:45 this morning for a meeting and then worked non-stop, meeting after meeting, until we left for the clinic at 2:15.  That all on top of not really sleeping that good.  She then drove me to the clinic, waited with me for over an hour in the waiting room like the trooper she is, drove home (with a stop at the store), made dinner, and then cleaned out the fridge of fresh fruit (she is sitting in front of a bowl of watermelon trying to eat it, with Kev’s help, so we can get the fruit out of here) and then cleaned the fridge where the fruit was.  I know I keep saying this… but, I love her.

The dogs just got a rare treat… a taste of watermelon.  They don’t normally get people food…. other than an occasional veggie mixed in with their food, but they are always happy when they get a little treat.  Like now….

Today has been a good day.  Soak in the hot tub, shower, a visit from Mom (she came so she could go to the oncologist appointment tomorrow with us), a trip into the city to do my bi-weekly blood draw, and a stop at the Farmer’s Market on 23rd.  It was great to wander around the market. Bought a couple of cookies and ate them, we got some fresh veggies for dinner tonight, and just enjoyed the market and the weather.  It’s not a huge one, but it had a great variety of stuff.  The perfect little stop and outing for us.  Really nice.

We got home a bit ago.  I walked 30 minutes on the treadmill and Mom and Karen both worked out in our mini gym in the shop.  Now they are in making dinner.  We are going vegetarian tonight.  Veggie noodles with spaghetti sauce, salad with tomatoes, walnuts, and a bleu cheese we bought at the market, plus green beans (also from the market), and broccoli.  Sounds really tasty to me, and is smelling great.

Tomorrow is the appointment with my oncologist.  We will, I know, get some answers about the time frame and what’s up with the consolidation rounds.  I’m actually happy to go meet with him.  Get those questions answered.

It’s Wednesday.  Today I hung out at home, ice bag on my hip since 4:00 today.  The bone marrow biopsy site isn’t that painful, just a bit swollen and a tad sore.

I hung out with Mom most of the day.  Karen had to go into the city for a training this afternoon, so Mom stayed home with me, cleaning and shaving my head again and weeding and going to the store for a few things.  She’s also taking me in for my bi-weekly blood test in the morning. Mom is a rock star… one of a kind.  I love her very much.  Thanks Mom… again.

Now Karen is in making dinner for the pups after working out and Mom and Kev are out in the shop working out.  It’s tag team around here.  Karen and Kev went out, Mom made dinner for me then went out, Karen came back in, and Mom and Kev are still out there.

Kind of mellow here…. it’s nice.

Well today was THE day folks.  The biopsy is done.  I’ve had, over the last few days, increasing levels of anxiety waiting waiting waiting for this day.  Building up, making me so tense I can’t even tell you.  This morning I was doing deep breathing exercises almost constantly.

We went into Sunnyside Hospital at one, checking in and getting sent down to the MPU unit.  MPU… something procedure unit.  Can’t remember now.  I got escorted in, Karen and Mom coming along to keep me company while I changed into the very short gown they provided.  Very short.  Thank goodness they gave me a blanket.  I laid down on a small bed and then the nurse tried to put in an IV to give me the pre-meds.  Then she tried again, different spot, after she blew the first one and put some saline into my arm (it’s still swollen since the saline has not absorbed into my body).  Not comfy. Then she gave up and brought in another nurse.  She tried one spot in my hand… didn’t work.  Then she went for the baby sized needle to use in a small vein in my hand.  That, finally after four attempts, worked.  I am a hard person to put an IV in.  It’s difficult and my veins often blow out.  But, finally… victory!  I was glad since that port was where the pre-meds were going to go in.

The pathologist and lab assistant get there, get consent, and in go the meds.  Ah…  Atavan (like valium… sort of) and morphine.  I felt them immediately.  The pathologist asked me to flip over and here we go.  She goes for the same spot as last time, pressing down really hard on my hip trying to find a good spot.  She marks it, puts in the local med, gets the needle, and goes in.  I realized, this time, that the pain mostly comes from all the hitting of nerves.  Despite the meds, I feel this.  It’s not fun.  At one point my leg on that same side moved when she hit a certain nerve.  She put in more of the local med.  My tally for the local was three by the time we were done.  She then realized her needle was too short and she had to go for a longer one, starting the process again.  She finally found the bone and then the screwing in started.  She got to the liquid marrow, aspirating it after counting with me to three (she did this because it’s a painful little endeavor, aspirating the liquid marrow), and then kept screwing in to try to get to the core.  She thought she got there and unscrewed it only to realized she’d gotten a clot of marrow (which they still can use). She kept that clot, and then tried again for the core, using whatever tool that is that screws into the bone.  She couldn’t get there.  Good thing the liquid marrow and the clot were good enough.  I was ready to be done.  Whew.

Karen and Mom came back then, bearing a black tea latte for me (thanks Mom), I got dressed (after, of course, the nurse made me stay 30 minutes, taking my blood pressure twice), and I was wheeled to the patient pick up area, where Karen picked me up.  We drove home, me feeling relaxed and relieved it was over, and Karen feeling relieved I was relieved.  We stopped at Pastini to pick up a to go order of macaroni and cheese with chicken for me as a little reward/celebratory meal.  I ate half of it immediately when we got home.  SO damn tasty.

All in all I am so glad it’s over.  The anxiety of having the procedure is lifted.  I feel my shoulders sort of slowly moving down to where they should be, instead of up by my ears as they have been.  I feel the relaxation sort of taking hold of the rest of me too.  It’s nice not to have that tension.  Not to have to do the deep breathing exercises every other minute.  It’s good.  I’m sore, but it’s good.  I’m going to be sore for a few days, but again, it’s good.

We have an appointment with my oncologist on the 23rd to find out the results.  10 days.  Lets all say it together… remission!

Had a blood draw this morning.  We went in fairly early, after cheerios and ATRA, to fit with Karen’s work schedule.  A quick trip in and a quick trip, with a stop at Starbucks for chai and a black tea latte of course, home.  We happened to see Steph jogging on our way and stopped to chat for a few minutes.  It was great seeing her.

My numbers from the blood draw were good.  Up again from Thursday’s draw. Tomorrow is the bone marrow biopsy which will tell the story.  Everyone get your good vibes, prayers, thoughts, and any other great emotion you can muster for the communal chant of… remission.  The test is at 2:00.  We have to be there at 1:00 so I can check in and get pre-meds.

As for the rest of today… home, watching movies again, talking to my good friend Penny on the phone, giving Mom a call with today’s numbers, having lunch, eating a fruit smoothie, petting Weston and Riley, and listening to my honey tell me through the window that the snake was back.  Karen is outside now, talking to Kev, and taking a break from staining the deck which she’s been doing for about an hour.

Stir fry for dinner tonight….  sounds good to me.

Wowie zowie (had to say it), it’s hot out there.  Luckily it stays fairly cool in our family room.  A fan, closed blinds, and loads of cement keep it that way.  Since it’s my main hang out, I’m feelin’ lucky.  I’m also enjoying the air conditioner we got for the bedroom.  We used it for the first time last night.  Nice…..

Otherwise…. went in for blood tests again today.  My now usual Monday/Thursday gig.  A student drew my blood.  She asked if she could, I said yes.  She did fairly well, with a slight bit of help from her supervisor.  My only comment… air conditioning is my friend.  The staff at the oncology lab enjoyed the comment, and agreed.  I actually walked into the lab and then back out to the parking structure afterward.  No wheelchair… woo hoo.  It was hot, but the walk felt good.

We already got the results back from the draw today.  Nancy, my chemotherapy case manager, called with them just a bit ago.  The news… numbers all moving in the right direction.  It’s a good thing.  The doctor’s only comment… prepare for the next round.  Meaning I have to get some walking in (around the inside of the house right now), get my strength up as much as I can.  I’m also supposed to be eating whatever… since I will most likely lose a lot more weight with the next round.  I did with this last one.  I was told to eat whatever taste good to me, since my taste buds are a bit off.  I’ve been taking it slow.  Finding things that taste pretty good and that don’t make me nauseas.  I’ve actually been eating pretty darn healthy, even though they told me I didn’t necessarily have to.  LOL  When do you have license to eat anything you want?  I’m doing veggies (now that I can since I’m no longer neutropenic) and simple foods mostly.  They go down well.  Oh, and I’m eating loads of yogurt.  It’s good for the GI.

And what am I eating right now, for dinner anyway?  I’m eating some fine mild chicken enchiladas that my friend Connie made for me.  Connie… I had the first last night… it was wonderful!  Thank you SO very much!

Why am I rambling about food right now?  Because I’m hungry.  LOL  Time for a snack I think.  Hmmmmmm… what to have?  Crackers and peanut butter?  Maybe…..  :-)

I’m sitting here in our family room typing on my new laptop (thanks honey!).  My sweetie is sitting out in back at our little table, under the umbrella, working.  Nice place to work.  Mom just took the dogs for a walk.  It’s supposed to be hot-ish today.  Near 90.  I’m having a decent day.

My days go like this, pretty much…. sleep to 8:30 or 9:00 (so nice to be able to sleep after not really being able to sleep in the hospital for so long), get up and come into the family room.  Get set up with pillows and a blanket (Debbie… I’m using the purple blanket you made for me… I love it.  Thank you so much!), tv on, pre-meds (anti-nausea) taken.  Breakfast (consisting of either cheerios or cream of wheat or rice) about a half an hour or forty five minutes later accompanied by the 5 pills of ATRA (oral chemo).  Then it’s just a day of sitting watching tv, playing on the computer, etc.  I get some snacks, I get lunch, then at dinner time I get, yep… more pre-meds followed about a half an hour or forty five minutes later by dinner (lately that’s been steamed smashed potatoes with broccoli and cottage cheese on it) and 5 pills of ATRA.  I’m taking 10 a day.  Then, after watching a movie with the family, bed time at 10:00 ish.  I’m feeling OK.  Stronger than I did, definitely, before this whole thing started, but not nearly what normal would be.  Weird to have this very low level of energy.  But again, it’s better than it was when this whole thing started.

So it’s supposed to get up into the 90′s this week.  Good thing my honey went and got us an air conditioner.  We are set up in the bedroom with it.  Thank goodness.  If it gets too hot in the family room during the day (and this is usually the coolest room in the house normally) we can move this show to the bedroom during the real heat of the day.  It’s the small things in life that make it, ya know?  I’m grateful for that air conditioner.  I’m grateful for my honey, for my Mom walking the dogs, for this blanket, for the friends and family who keep sending me notes and holding me in their hearts.  I’m holding all of you back you know…  hanging on tight and feeling the warmth of all that love.  Brings a warmth to my soul much warmer than the heat that will come in the next few days.  MUCH warmer.

Visits from friends tonight…. They brought love in abundance, good cheer, humor, FOOD (Stacia your pecan pie, I’m sure, is literally mana of the gods!), excellent softball watching companionship, and more love. I was not feeling great today, but these lovely people made me feel better. Thank you Stacia, Sandy, Eric and Vicki. Thank you. Again… I am so blessed and so lucky to call people of your caliber my friends. There are not enough tears of joy to express how much I am feeling the love pour in from all around me…..

It goes without saying that I have an amazing base of support in family and friends. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of love. I’ve always said a person is measured by who loves them and who they love. I am measured well. I knew this, or thought I did, but now KNOW it, to the core of me… know it. I am so very blessed. That doesn’t even come close to describing it.

Today a couple of good friends came to see me…. They brought dinner. One of my favorites, massaman curry. Maggie cooked all day to get it right, and she did it beautifully. So damn good. I can’t have restaurant food, too many worries about food handling practices for me. And anyone who cooks for me has to adhere to these strict practices…. Extremely washed and then cooked vegetables. Clean food. Maggie did it so well. She heard I was craving it and figured out how to make it. To make something she’d never even had herself before. She is a rock star. Sandy tried for an hour to figure out the online USB situation the hospital has for patients, to no avail because I think my laptop is too old. But she tried. We all went for a walk around the floor, me in my mask with my honey and two of my grand good friends. They love me. Both of them. I love them back. I am soaking it up. Overwhelmed in a really wonderful way by it. I am lucky.

Humps….. check! Really enjoyed the flavor of the meat at Humps!

Morning Sustenance, originally uploaded by Tokenhippygirl.

I said I would blog about the wedding and here we go….

The morning of we had all the bridesmaids, the bride, Karen and I, and Jay all in our condo. It was a full house, but totally fun. Jay wandered to get bagels (which to that point had been Martin’s job every other day or so) and as the girls got their dresses and bridesmaid accoutrement together we all managed to fit in a tad bite of breakfast… and coffee.

Olives, originally uploaded by Tokenhippygirl.

Martin enjoyed a two olive martini.

 

Let’s Eat, originally uploaded by Tokenhippygirl.

What else is a girl supposed to take pictures 0f 0n Thanksgiving Day? There’s food… and there’s… food.

Yellowfin

Originally uploaded by Tokenhippygirl

Not exactly the most clear photo, but I had to include it here. I took this one with the iphone in a darker room. ah well… it still captured the essence of the night. Sushi, with friends. We met up with the pod (there are eight of us all together) to help celebrate and send off two of our friends on their trip to Peru. We met the night of October 30. They left early October 31. So far, according to the Facebook updates anyway, they look like they are having a spectacular time. Can’t wait to see the photos when they get back.

11

Originally uploaded by Tokenhippygirl

October 27 Karen, Kev, and I traveled to Mom and Don’s place to do our annual celebration. It always includes three things… candles to commemorate the year, brownies, and mocha almond fudge ice cream (because it’s Mom’s favorite). What are we celebrating? We are celebrating Mom. Mom’s determination, grace, sense of humor, her absolute unwillingness to give in to feeling down or letting something get the best of her. That’s Mom. Fantastic, amazing, and continuing to go about life in a strong and loving way. I love you Mom. I love you.

Stella

Originally uploaded by Tokenhippygirl

The chosen beverage of many of the girls in the pod is Stella. I had to give her, Stella I mean, the proper props…. here’s to you Stella. Here’s to you.

Dinner by Nicholas

Originally uploaded by Tokenhippygirl

Last Friday night we had a little get together for our friend Kate. Kate, you are an inspiration to all who know you. One year girl… the first of many fantastic years to come. You are a rock star. It was a joy helping you celebrate!