Wanted: Rabbit Killer, originally uploaded by Tokenhippygirl.

He looks sweet doesn’t he? Innocent even. Well, sometimes looks can be deceiving. He’s a rabbit killer, and I’m not even lying.

The story goes like this:

Cut to yesterday afternoon. I came home and found Karen out on the chaise with her laptop and the phone, working. Yeah, it’s tough, I know. Weston was laying quietly next to her, occasionally running off to chase a chipmunk or bug or flying piece of dust and then returning to lay down on the chaise. He’s just that kind of guy. I said my hellos then walked into the house to put down my gear and then into the office to check my e-mail. This is what happened next…

K: Hey! T!! Hurry!! Come out here!!! Hey! T!!!

Me: Run outside to see what all the ruckus is about, look at her… and hear…

K: He has a rabbit, he killed a rabbit, I think he killed it, I don’t know if it’s dead! He has a rabbit!! NO!! Weston!!! Put that down! Drop it! Drop it!!!

Me: Holy crap! He has a rabbit!! WESTON! Drop it!! NO!

Weston: Drops the rabbit but stands there next to it giving us the look that says… don’t touch it, or me. It’s mine. Look what I did? Aren’t I the greatest?

K: Is it dead? I don’t know if it’s dead. I think it’s still alive.

Me: I think it’s dead. It’s dead. WATCH OUT! He’s trying to grab it again. WESTON! Drop it! Drop it! No! How did this happen? Did you see him get it?

K: WESTON! Bad Boy!! Drop it!! We need to get it away from him. He’s going to be mad. He could try to bite. I heard sounds like from a bird. I thought he had a bird. At first I thought it was just a bird screeching. Then I looked over and he had the rabbit in his mouth. WESTON! NO!

Me: WESTON!! He won’t want to give it up… as I run over to the deck, grab the nearby fly swatter, and then return, advancing on the little man. Get something to grab it, I’ll try to keep him away from it. I get there and use the fly swatter to keep him at bay. He isn’t happy.

K: Leaves, and then returns, running, with a towel that she throws over the rabbit.

Me: What are you doing? That won’t work. He still knows it’s there.

K: It was the first thing I found, I’m going to pick it up and get rid of it. Is it still alive? Try to keep him away from it.

Me: I am trying to keep him away from it. Be careful. I don’t think it’s alive. It’s not breathing.

K: Reaches down to get it and Weston goes postal on her. Snarling and biting at her foot. He just bit me! He bit my foot! It’s not bad, he didn’t bite hard, but he bit me!

Me: Swatting Weston on the butt with the fly swatter… NO!! BAD BOY!! NO BITE!! BAD BOY!!

Weston: Looks at us like we’re insane and then looks back at the rabbit with an IT’S MINE, ALL MINE, expression.

Me: Go grab something to pick it up with. Like tongs or something.

K: Runs off toward the shed and brings back a shovel. She starts trying to scoop it up and can’t quite get it.

Me: That’s the same problem I had with the gopher, I couldn’t quite get under it.

Weston: Agitated, he tries to lunge at the rabbit to grab it.

Me: Trying to hold him back with a very lame fly swatter.

K: One last scoop and… I got it! I’m going to throw it over the side.

Me: Don’t let him see you. Here, let me distract him. I grab one of his squeaky balls and throw it. He runs a little ways after the ball and I yell… GO! GO! Do it now! I turn around and K is still standing there with the shovel. She’s quite a ways away from me at this point. What are you doing? I said, GO! GO!

K: I thought you were talking to Weston. So he would go after the ball.

Me: No, I was talking to you. Here, I’ll do it again and tell you when.

K: OK

Me: Throwing the ball away from K, Weston runs after it, and… NOW! THROW IT! I hear the sound of her flinging it over the side as it hits some tree branches going out over the burn pile and down the hill. I look back and K is walking toward me. Did it go far? Way over the side?

K: Oh yeah, it did.  She chuckles.  I think it might be in Doug’s driveway. (Doug’s driveway is actually a driveway to Doug’s land that’s next to our property. He doesn’t live there. It’s a dirt road with a chain across it… before you go and think it’s like a paved and manicured driveway.)

Me: It’s way over there then. Good. He won’t be able to find it.

K: I don’t think it’s really in his driveway, but it’s way down there.

Me: Good. I sit down on the steps to the deck and shake my head. I can’t believe he killed a rabbit. I can’t believe it. That was traumatizing.

K: It was. Where’s the rabbit killer?

Me: He’s over there.

Weston: Trots over to me as if to say, wow, wasn’t that great. Look what I did!! Aren’t you proud?

K: He must have been fast to be able to catch that thing. It’s been taunting him for days, hopping out to the middle of the back yard and then running into the bushes when he comes out.

Me: He’s quick. Wow… he killed a rabbit. He was probably trying to play with it and accidentally killed it.  It didn’t even look like it had a scratch on it.  I reach down and start petting Weston, who’s leaning against me and looking all cute and innocent. Not looking, at all, like the rabbit killer he now is.