Tam's Think Tank

I had the great idea to write this lovely post all about how much you mean to me, have meant to me, and all the ways you continue to be amazing, but now that I’m sitting here at the keyboard I’m a bit lost.

Let’s just start with how much you make me smile… and not at just the obvious times, like when you’re being incredibly funny or cute, which is often, but when you don’t know I’m watching you.  The way you love on the dogs, talking to them in that sweet little kid voice they love, or when you fall asleep with a dog head up against your head, both of you so peaceful, or when you sing to Sebastian or talk to him, and also when you just talk to your daughter on the phone and you are her Mom and you love her very much and I admire that in you, or how you bite out of life all you can every time we go somewhere new, or even to the store.  You make me smile all these times… and so many many more.

This last year and a half has been, shall we say, tough… everyone knows what I’m talking about I’m sure.  But it wasn’t just my health, it was yours before.  You in the hospital before me being in the hospital.  Glad we got all that out of the way… it wasn’t fun.  But even still… there we were, you and me, always you and me, battling it all together, holding each other, encouraging each other, bolstering each other, and loving each other.  I know, with everything that I am, that my journey through all of that would’ve been so much more difficult if I didn’t have you, my little rock, to lean on and lean into.

You understand me…. the me that hides from everyone else.  The me that’s very insecure and stubborn and short tempered and wacko sometimes.  The me that you somehow just get.  I don’t know how you do, but you see me better than anyone has ever seen me, sometimes much better than I see myself.  And, it’s good to be seen.  It’s good to have someone know me this well.  It’s what makes a person not feel alone.  This knowing and the way you love me because and in spite of it all.

You have also let me into your world.  That wonderful wacky place that it can be where joy is king.  Where happiness reigns and where everything is put in the right perspective.  We always say to each other that we see into people.  Which we do and it’s creepy sometimes.  We both get a vibe, a sense, a knowing of where someone’s at just by walking in the room with them.  Well, I’ve always hidden myself well.  I would see, but not be seen.  Unless I wanted to be seen that is.  Then I would let out little bits of things here and there to someone so they would get to know me.  But you… there’s no hiding from you.  Your world, your look, your being… they see me.  You see me and you have let me into that beautiful place where you stand in it.  I mean IN it.  Feet planted firmly, heading in one direction, the us direction.  The us direction… the direction of we, and us, and anything is possible or bearable or fathomable or knowable as long as we stand there holding hands together, looking forward together.  I don’t say this much, but I’m so honored to be standing there next to you.  So proud.

You’ve given me a family I didn’t have on my own.  I have my Mom, who is fantastic (worthy of her own blog post, which I’m sure will be coming), and a brother (who I completely adore), and other siblings I love very much, and a huge huge group of family and friends who I’m blessed to know and love.  But I didn’t have my own family.  It wasn’t in the cards for me.  But then I met you… and now look what I’m lucky enough to have… a daughter, a son in law, a grandson, and a son.  To get to be a part of that… a part of this beautiful fantastic thing every day.  I’m lucky.  And you did that for me… You.

I could go on and on about how we are true split-aparts… two who have found the right purchase, the right home, and the right half.  I could also say that we are  complete because we found each other.  Two halves of the same whole.  Not realizing it until that first time we held hands and the world tilted into place.  The feeling of coming home.  Of being home… every day.  I could go on and on about how we are lucky, and what’s so amazing is we both know it.  No matter what we have faced or will face, we are good, we are fine.  Together.  You are more than enough for me honey.  More than.  If we lost everything I would be OK, WE would be OK, because we have each other.  And you, my love, are more than I ever hoped to find, more than I ever dreamed I’d get, and more than enough to keep me happy for the rest of our lives.

I could go on and on… but…

Simply…  I love you with everything that I am, all that I’ve ever been, and all that I ever will be….